Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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