wanna go halves on a baby?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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