good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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