i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
