tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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