You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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