He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
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U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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