I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
third nipple confirmed
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am available for nakedness
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
