you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
