Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
