we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
