Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
