You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
