Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize