I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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