I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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