Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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