The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
