I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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