Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just googled if crying burns calories
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
