i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
