I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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