Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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