Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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