i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
