Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
