My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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