I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
