Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just want nice things and good sex
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
