u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
