Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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