speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
