A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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