Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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