is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
