I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
