Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
