dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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