when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
