chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
