I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
