Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
smell my finger.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
