k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
