are you so shy because you have an std?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
