Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
