it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
