Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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