Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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