Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
