just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This house was built for laser tag.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
