Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
