if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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