so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
