he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
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He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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