I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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