I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?