I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.