I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face