I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.