I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
