I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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