I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
