I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
