I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
