nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
