Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i think my cat just said my name.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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