that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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